Moment of Conversion
What Is Up With Modern Evangelicals?

The early to mid 1900's have seen an escalation of theological nuances which are either ridiculous, or truly heretical. Among these, we find the "importance" of issues such as Numerology, End-times "date" calculation, an unbelievable amount of codes and hidden cryptograms pointing to secret gospels or doctrines, and the one issue which has been bugging me the most: Point of Conversion Experiences.
I'd give you the Scriptural text for the basis of this "Conversion Experience," except that it doesn't exist.
Never (until the mid 1900's) do you find Orthodox Theologians advocating this sort of experiential situation. Even many more recent Theologians cannot point to their exact moment of conversion. For instance: C. S. Lewis tells us that he only knows that he left his home not believing that Christ was the Son of God, and arrived at his destination believing.
Point of conversion? Not sure, but Lewis affirms that he was definitely converted.
What about John Gill? At the age of twelve, Gill heard a sermon on the text, "And the Lord called unto Adam, and said unto him, where art thou?" (Genesis 3:9). It was not until seven years later that young John made a public profession when he was almost nineteen years of age.
Point of conversion? Not sure, but Gill affirms that he was definitely converted.
What about Augustine of Hippo?
Hilary of Poitiers?
Basil the Great?
Clement of Alexandria?
Ignatius of Antioch?
Irenaeus of Lyons?
Justin Martyr?
For every one of them who has a story of conversion, there are one or two who have no story or experience which they can share.
And why? Because a conversion experience is not needful to truly be saved.
For instance: Sir Walter Scott writes to us that he can never recall a time in which he did not believe as he finally came to in his later years. We know this to be true of much of Scotland, since the Kirks were - at one time - bound together internally very tightly. The infrastructure of the Scottish Kirks has continued to astound economists to this day. (See: proftellsall.blogspot.com for an article on the subject.)
Thus, it stands to reason that Scott may not be able to recall a time at which he doubted the validity of the gospels, since he was taught them from his youth up.
What of the account of Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch? Was the eunuch saved while he read Isaiah? When he desired some man to explain it to him? When Philip explained it? When he verbally affirmed his belief?
My own story is similar. As the son of a Minister, I was always (as far as I can recall) familiar with the gospels, and never doubted their validity.
I am not suggesting that I was always a Christian, not at all. Simply that I cannot point to a specific date and say, "here, I was converted."
In this sense, I think the Presbyterians like me, under the misconception that I endorse Covenant Salvation.
But the idea is actually this:
Can I testify of the exact moment of my salvation? No.
Can I testify that I am indeed saved, and affirm all that is true according to the Scriptures? Yes.
Is it required by Scripture that I provide this exact date or moment? Not at all.
Ultimately, the requirement is not a Roman's Road outline, nor is it an evangelical outburst of emotion. It is not a "moment" of salvation, nor is it a whispered prayer at an altar.
It is an inworking of redemptive grace from the Father. It is a work which He alone can do.

The Promise Of Autumn
The Hope Of Tomorrow

II Peter reads,
"We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost."

The Psalmist said, "Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day."

I find an inexorable law of the human race (I might well say depraved man), which is that wherever there is depravity, Righteousness is desired.
Now, I do not mean desired in the sense that man is seeking after God. I do not pretend that there is any good in man which would cause him to draw near His Creator. It is only the mercy of God that regenerates the soul.
However; it is true that man is always seeking.
He is always longing for something he does not have, and the thing he is longing for is always exactly what he wants until the moment he gets it. (Google keywords: Sehnsucht Lewis)
But I have found - after many long Autumns of being lost - the secret to this longing, and not having...the secret to Autumn.

Autumn is in itself a sort of Sehnsucht. It embodies that blustery sort of desire which is not perfectly fulfilled (Autumn is a transition), but is not something to be trivialised. We might be tempted to think of Autumn as only a transition, but it does not end there. Autumn is also a destination. It is a longing, but that in itself is a longing for a longing.
It's like longing for Autumn during Spring, or Summer. Even when Autumn comes, you may still find yourself longing.

This is Christianity...mere Christianity, at any rate.
We can try looking to pantheism or occultism for the answers, but we will still be longing for something else.
But what if we were to long for the longing itself? What if that intangible Autumn were to turn out to be - not Autumn - but the desire for Autumn:
That desire that rises from your heart to your throat in the frosty pre-dawn of Summer's last morning, when you stand on the edge of the Worlde and look out at the flat expanse before you, half-revealed in the pale moonlight...

What if we were created with the desire to desire? What if all our longings and wantings were there because He put them there? Not so that we might fulfill them here on earth, but so that we might realise we were not ultimately created for this life...
Just as fish do not yearn the dry land, because they were not created for it...
Lewis remarks: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

First Kiss
The Paradox of God

Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.

For centuries, mankind has asked the question: "How can a Righteous God spare or forgive my wrong?"
Langland's Pier's Plowman illustrates perfectly the picture of Christ & man when it uses the phrase "where righteousness & mercy kiss."
Martin Luther struggled with this question as he slowly moved from the darkness of Catholicism into the light of God's Grace. How, he wondered, can God forgive my sin, and yet still be holy?
The place of God's grace is, however, a place where both His Righteousness (Justice) & His Forgiveness (Mercy) meet, & the sins of God's elect are forgiven.
Yet how, we wonder, can God be Holy, if He is not meting out the punishment we deserve for sin? Is this not inconsistancy? Where is God's Justice?
Because He can accept us with sin, because He grants us that which is not ours, because we deserve nothing but death & Hell, is He no longer Just for giving us Eternal Bliss & Salvation?
Would a Just Judge surely only give what was deserved? It would be like letting someone out on bail when they deserved life in prison, or death.
And that defines the situation exactly.
The reason the modern world often finds this hard to accept is because we live in an age when trust is at a zero. Why, we might ask, would someone pay my bail, when there is nothing in it for them?
Or, even further; why would they accept my sentence and let me go free?
This, is the Paradox of a Righteous & Merciful God.
C.S. Lewis smiled at this paradox and said that he believed it because; "It was exactly opposite of anything we (as humans) could have invented."
This ought to cause Christians to rejoice in the Covenant between themselves & their God, for truly, the Truths found in His Scriptures speak of a place where Righteousness & Mercy kiss, & - as Langland wrote -
'the hearts of men shall know with joy what peace can be in Middle Earth.'

Arise my body, my small body, we have striven
Enough, and He is merciful; we are forgiven.
Arise small body, puppet-like and pale, and go,
White as the bed-clothes into bed, and cold as snow,
Undress with small, cold fingers and put out the light,
And be alone, hush'd mortal, in the sacred night,
-A meadow whipt flat with the rain, a cup
Emptied and clean, a garment washed and folded up,
Faded in colour, thinned almost to raggedness
By dirt and by the washing of that dirtiness.
Be not too quickly warm again. Lie cold; consent
To weariness' and pardon's watery element.
Drink up the bitter water, breathe the chilly death;
Soon enough comes the riot of our blood and breath.

CS Lewis